This Sunday will see an epic battle 102 years in the making, as the gladiators of Westquarter & Redding throw old friendships and allegiances aside to face off in what has been described as "World War 3, but cricket, in Falkirk". The line in the mud has been drawn, on one side is the Westquarter Wildcats, led by Adam Jeremiah, and on the other is Hamad Mumtaz' Redding Panthers.
Preparations have been underway for weeks, with the club ordering a new scorebook with an extra large extras column to accommodate Peter Hamilton's bowling spell, and the MCC has granted permission for second slip to wear wicket keeping gloves during this spell for health and safety reasons. Two ambulances have been put on standby, and to save time and paperwork, a reconstructive surgery team has already scrubbed up in preparation for Umar Aslam's arrival.
The players have each been preparing in their own way leading up to the match, Stuart Fox has spent the last week watching tennis, warming up his neck muscles for watching the ball go past him repeatedly, and Stephen Sutton attended the John McEnroe "Umpire Abuse 101" seminar. Some players are already in the zone, as Robert Sutton has pitched a tent in front of the stumps at the Sunnyside Road End, and Asim was seen sitting in an armchair at cover this morning.
Youngsters Adham Aslam and Rory Sheehan today returned from their intensive training camp in Siberia, and both looked focused ahead of the clash. When asked for his thoughts Adham stated "It's pain o'clock, and it's time to take names", Rory merely growled.
Mohammad Sajid will play after wrapping his latest movie "Die Hard 7" which merely consists of a handshake between John McClane and Sajid, followed by the caption "The End. To all crime. Ever." Sajid has also expressed his condolences to the families of all batsmen who will face him on Sunday.
At the pre match press conference, the leader of the Wildcats, Adam Jeremiah said "My men will go out there and leave it all on the field, except for the ball, which they will be hitting out of the field, repeatedly. We will show no mercy, except to the youngsters, who will receive the level of respect appropriate to their age, and we will slay the Panthers, figuratively speaking of course."
Panthers supremo, Hamad Mumtaz replied with "I'll be there in five minutes."
The time for words is almost over, as come Sunday it will be all about action, and probably rain. So if you can't handle red hot cricket action, or rain, just stay at home, because Sunday's match may just blow your mind, or give you pneumonia.